JASPER

Jasper 2/14/08

My son, Jeff, the criminal defense attorney, who has always loved cats and had cats, has been convinced he should enter the world of being a dog owner – or as he would say
“I’m now on poop watch”
He was convinced that men walking dogs were irresistible to animal loving women, and that he was sure to meet his “future wife” on just such a walk.
So Jeff, a new condo owner, with no yard, got himself a 3/4 golden retriever 1/4 poodle. Named Jasper. The 1/4 poodle meant the dog would be smaller
Jasper," this is your grandmother", he announced to the face-licking puppy who already seems bigger than me. Already part of the condo is caged and fenced off so that the little darling could have his own space.
When Jasper arrived at his house, there waiting for him was INGER I call her Actk Tung Inger – Bruce Springsteen’s dog trainer that his brother, and my son,Todd, an entertainment atty. sent over and insisted he have. Inger proceeded to give Jeff a Poop Schedule 1 for pee, 2 for poop, 3 for both ,4 for an accident. I found this hilarious.
Inger is very strict at $150 for and hour and a half in blocks of 12.
It has currently cost Jeff $5,000 and Jasper has learned to sit.
Then, while walking Jasper in Rancho Park near his condo – Jeff who had informed me he is dating a 26 year old, 18 years his junior who is not Jewish, while he’s walking Jasper he is approached by a girl who is Jewish, Karen the dog sitter. If you call her a dog walker she gets insulted. Karen walks dogs, takes them to the vet and.now has the keys to Jeff’s condo. But she’s bonded. He’s waiting for the bond papers.
So Jeff says, there he is after 1/2 day in court and 1/2 day at the office…he is now home and Inger the dog trainer is cross examining Karen the dog sitter. They are both pretty girls in baseball caps and they are going at it. Jeff says,' girls it’s only a dog' they didn’t appreciate that and… that didn’t stop them. So Jeff is there and the two girls and there is Lucas one of my son Todd’s, actor clients who does carpentry on the side is there.
So Jeff is standing there with all these people---the poor dog is over in his area near his cage and promptly decides to poop on the floor…which they have to put on the poop schedule and somehow this seems far removed from a boy and his dog romping about.
So after all this it has cost Jeff $5,000…. Jasper has learned to sit and his bathroom habits are well documented Jeff can’t believe what he was convinced to do. He is starting to think, if I didn’t have the trainer, the walker, the carpenter, I wouldn’t have to work so hard
Jeff is having a party Saturday night. I said," is the dog going to be there?" " Is it going to be like as bris?" He said,'mom it’s a dog warming party". I said " what about the fences and the gates?" He said " I’ve taken some of them down".

The good thing is Jeff has lost weight since Jasper moved in. No more coming home and relaxing – oh no—Jasper must be walked morning and night. He certainly now has a full life. He has to pay other people to live his life. He said, today he is downtown sitting on a bench waiting to get into court talking on his cell to his dog sitter who is at his condo with his puppy.
Sounds like that’s how a lot of men feel when they talk to their wives. We will see.